Hang on, what's that chuffing noise, then?

Well, life at Whitzend is starting to resemble something that could pass for normality. Increasingly the things with which we cannot deal are our own problems...

There are, of course, honourable exceptions to this rule.

Remember we mentioned that the shower was a bit flakey, in terms of finding the thermostatically balanced temperature? Paul the Builder was adamant that he'd fitted it correctly and it must be "dodgy parts, mate". Well, convinced by his eloquent argument, we called the manufacturer who sent out an engineer.

The engineer almost screamed when he saw the installation. The first thing he said was that the shower was fitted completely wrongly. He even showed us the big, red warning all over the instruction manual saying why one should never do exactly what Paul the Builder had done.

So, we need both showers to have their cold water supplies connected properly and have their valves replaced with the ones supplied, rather than the cheap pieces of jointing copper that Paul the Builder chose to use.

Whilst that engineer was here, I happened to mention the leaky sinks, which Paul had also ascribed to duff materials. Again, it turns out to be bad workmanship - the wastes have simply not been sealed to the sinks properly in either bathrooms (or the kitchen)

According to Trading Standards, we are obliged to give Paul the Builder an opportunity to come and fix his mistakes. To be honest, we'd really rather this was not the case, given the mess he made first time around (and second time around in the case of the kitchen sink) and the lies he's told in the process of it. But rules are rules, so we wrote him an official sounding letter, quoting all the consumer legislation that Trading Standards reminded us to quote, and gave him 7 days to fix it.

Before we even posted the letter, we were left hopeful by a text message from Paul, saying he'd come and fix things last Monday. In (not quite eager) anticipation, we waited until the end of Monday to see him and didn't post the letter. He returned the compliment by not turning up. So we posted the letter and he's still not come by.

On the one hand this means that we're almost certainly going to get the repair work done by someone reliable and qualified. On the downside, it means we'll have to pay for it all and then try to reclaim the money from him. This has the whiff of small claims court all over it already, to be honest. Ho hum.

Irritatingly, the day after we sent the letter outlining the things we wanted fixing, we found another thing - a bit of guttering they'd fitted which just isn't properly connected to the rest of the gutter, causing water to pour out through it, right past the bedroom window of Little Miss. I suspect the rules are that we have to send another letter and wait another seven days.

We've finally chosen carpets and booked fitting in. Happily, the fitters will also lay the laminate in our kitchen, so we get the whole house done at once. I'm sure it'll be hell on earth for a couple of days, but it's reassuring to know that the whole thing's almost done. Plenty of mottled, neutral colours which will help to brighten the place up a lot. Except for the hallway where we've branched out a little and planned a little "surprise". So, mind the mantrap and bear pit, visitors!

Carpets were meant to be fitted later this week but apparently our fitter collapsed on the job last Thursday (at least it was on someone else's floor). He's got something viral that looks like flu and a damaged coccyx so things have been postponed by a week. Still, that's more time to get all the other little jobs finished. A weekend of putting up towel rails and curtain track without fear of sullying the new carpet. Great.

Just the garden to go, then. Off to the turf accountants it is!